Umm I'm too high to move.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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