He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
