somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my mouth tastes like poor choices
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
