I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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