Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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