Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
