Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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