i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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