On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
