she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
