She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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