airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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