My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
