I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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