i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
