Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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