I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
