I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I currently don't understand fingers.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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