just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
