No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
