I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
love makes seman taste better
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
