Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
