best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
