If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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