her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
