So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
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sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize