I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We left the knife in your bed.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
