The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
