She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
