dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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