I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
