a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
where does the pee come out of this thing
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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