just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
