I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
