made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
