I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
