I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
