I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
