Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
