we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The beer is more important than you right now.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
