Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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