They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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