yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
