Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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