I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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