Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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