I need help removing her.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Randomize
