Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
How does one acquire holy water?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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