the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
