I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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