Quick, to the slutcave!
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
