i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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