3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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