there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
