Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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