Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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