i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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