there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
