Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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