i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
