it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize