Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
