You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
